People really seem to think they can treat others like a trash bag.
Like they can dump their toxic waste into you, tie you up and throw you away once they’re done with you.
Leaving you behind, frayed.
Only some trash decomposes you know, the shards of glass get left behind to cut deeper and deeper into you till you can take no more.
My head is a jungle.
and poisonous fruits
enticing me in with their fragrance
seeds of doubt planted
into my fertile mind.
I’ve always spoken a little about psychology. Today I realised that the world could do with some education in the subject. Some of it may seem like common knowledge once you actually start to learn a little about it because really there is so much you can identify with. People have spent years doing research on human behaviours. Studies and studies over decades to identify certain attitudes and behaviours to understand why people act the way they do.
Why is this a response to that action? Why isn’t it that instead? Why do people have different responses to the same situation?
Why? Because no one is the same.
Even though the situation may be identical, maybe the way it was handled was different. There isn’t just one factor in determines how you behave. Your genes aren’t the same. Your DNA isn’t the same. Your defence mechanisms aren’t the same, your boundaries aren’t the same, nothing can be the same. I can’t emphasise how much it just can’t be the same. No one can have an identical reaction when there’s so much to consider, so much that comes into play.
So why is it that people aren’t willing to better themselves when what they desire is to be perfect? Why don’t people use the knowledge that is already out there? The knowledge is THERE. You don’t have to do that part. Pick up a book. It is all there. Sure you may not know what you’re looking for, but this is a subject about humans. You. It will really only take a few pages and an open mind for you to start to relate some of it back to yourself. (And, if you start feeling uncomfortable, keep going.)
It took me four weeks of soul searching and reading to realise that these things I was thinking were real. We doubt ourselves so much by abiding to the way of society that we forget to think for ourselves. We forget to rebel against the things we’ve agreed to through domestication.
In my last post I spoke about judgement. We aren’t just judging others. We judge ourselves. Continuously. But maybe if we learnt to judge ourselves in a more friendly way we’d become those perfect people, or we’d learn to see and accept ourselves for what we are. We can’t change the past but we can mould ourselves to be better for the future.
Over the next few posts I’ll be writing to enlighten you on just a few aspects of psychology that could be beneficial. Who knows, maybe you’ll discover something that makes your brain tick, maybe it’ll flick on a switch and maybe you’ll find yourself wanting to know more.
But in the mean time get yourself a copy of ‘The Four Agreements’ by Don Miguel Ruiz for an interesting read.
Hope you keep reading x
It really is the worst thing you could do. Does the cover really represent what the story is? Most times no. And we all use this phrase in day to day conversations but give it some thought…
You really don’t know what lies within until you’ve read the pages, absorbed and digested the pages.
The same goes for people. We judge everyone based on what we see. And the actions that they show you which are often misinterpreted. Truth is no one has an ulterior motive on purpose. Everyone wants to be whatever perfect they desire so why should we think that they are that way on purpose.
Truth be told, everyone has their own problems. Even the person with the most ‘perfect life’ has their issues. Some people don’t even remember enough of their past to realise that their actions today could be a result of that. Some people don’t even realise their actions are a problem. Some people won’t ever realise. But I hope that people have the courage to be brave enough to look within and discover the real them. Spend some time getting to know yourself because if you dig deep you’ll learn a lot more than you could possibly imagine. Being able to understand others truly helps you deepen your connections, not just with others but yourself as well. You’ll find yourself approaching the world and everything in it with so much more love, compassion and understanding.
We can’t deny we all need a little more love.
Sometimes it feels like the world is spinning too fast and gravity is not enough to keep me grounded.
Sometimes it feels like I may just fall off and no-one would know any different.
Sometimes its feels like there isn’t a map in existence that could put me back on the right path.
Sometimes I don’t even know what path it is that I need to be put back on, or what I need to be grounded to or what I’m falling from.
I have this sense of impending doom. Uncertainty. I wish I knew what of because then it wouldn’t feel so bad. Because then there wouldn’t be those sometimes. And it might even be okay to have those sometimes because it wouldn’t be uncertain. It would at least e n d. But most of the time it doesn’t end. And I can’t explain those sometimes. But I promise I would if I could. Sometimes there’s so much confusion and this is how it comes out. Sometimes its all too much and there would be nothing better than falling off. Sometimes all you need is someone to say this will only last some of the time and that most of the time it might just be okay. Sometimes it’s hard to remember that. But I have to remember that because living in those sometimes is not fun.
How do you feel a loss over something you never really had?
You feel it because you felt like you had it.
To you, you had it.
Maybe they felt nothing
because they didn’t see how it could be different.
Maybe they couldn’t open their eyes wide enough to see
that it could be different.
That it could be better.
That things could change.
And it could just
But what did you really have that you think you lost?
An idea, a fantasy, a dream?
Because that’s what you saw all around you.
You clung onto the desires of your heart
built on the reality of others.
And that’s what you wanted.
But you never had it.
And you won’t have it.
Not in the same way anyways.
I don’t quite know how I ended up here.
Stardust. Fallen, and amongst the gravel.
Does that explain why I feel so lost?
Wearing this skin that is not familiar;
looking out through glassy eyes,
saying words that don’t belong.
Searching for answers to questions that don’t exist.
Because maybe this is all there is.
But I can’t be the only one, I think
that’s all I know. I’m not the only one.
Many have shimmered and fallen.
But there’s a black hole.
An empty mind with shooting thoughts.
Whose are they?
Because I, I was meant to shine.
So why is this storm happening in my head?
There can only be one explanation
and that is that I don’t belong.
Except maybe this is exactly where I’m supposed to be.
At least for now,
while I pick up the pieces of the wholeness.
Navigating through the unfamiliar
and sharpening the edges,
For my supernova will come
and when it does I will be ready.
Ready to make my way home.